To be an auditor… or not.

I arrived in San Diego a few hours ago for a week’s worth of training. Luckily, I get to go to training with two guys from my office that I enjoy hanging out with. There’s nothing much around where our hotel is, other than businesses including the San Diego office of my company. Which is fine by me, because I won’t get lost.

Unfortunately, there’s no restaurants or bars nearby. Boo. I think our training will be in a very small group. I’m already looking forward to coming back home to my boyfriend.🙂

I felt bad though, because the dinner turned into another night of me ranting about how I hate our job. Or well, how I feel confused about our job. It’s really hard not to, especially when I make an analogy of our job being like an abusive relationship. “Oh woe is me, I really hate hate hate our job… But then when it’s ok, it’s REALLY great… But then it’s terrible most of the time.” It’s crazy, I find myself always getting so very confused about my job. It’s like… at the end of the day, there are a lot of things that I enjoy. I love the flexibility, I love the training, I love knowing that one day, I will master knowing all the information that I need to know…

UGH. So why do I hate the job? I hate being fearful that I’m not good enough, that one day I will be unable to win at this political game, I hate knowing how I felt last year during our busy season… And I hate one big fat client and the engagement team that I will be on in the next few months.

But is that enough for me to quit my job? My boyfriend clearly hates me working here because it causes me to have a bad work/life balance. But at the same time, he thinks that I am good at it and that I should stay in the same type of job…

Talking to my coworkers tonight really helped. They made me realize that yes, I do love many parts of this job. And that it’s ok to vent and not be ok with some things and to demand what I want to get out of this job. Also, it made me realize that I have to be careful talking to others who are very bothered and bitter about working here, because their negativity will push onto me and then I will want to do nothing more than quit…

Maybe I can stick it out just a little bit longer… Maybe I will be able to get promoted… We’ll see.

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