Worries Keeping Me Awake

So it’s been approximately a month (and a few days) since I’ve decided to start online courses. It’s been about 3.5 weeks since I’ve officially “registered”/”started” the course as well, and I’m already 3 weeks behind (or 3 lessons) on my ACCT 1 course. I’m a little stressed out because this is the first time I’ve had an online course with a somewhat flexible course end date (I have 8 months to finish the course) but with self-made deadlines (I wanted to have this course and ACCT 2 finished by the end of May). Not only that, but I now have officially finalized work travel for the month of May (3 weeks in Europe), which also throws a wrench in my plans of easy nights of studying.

So now I’m up awake when it’s almost 11 PM, and I generally have to be laying down in bed by now.

I kind of feel like a failure at times in the evenings, having written out a lot of things on my to-do list. And then end up not doing much of it at all… or doing some of it while sacrificing sleep. (Case in point – I stayed up much later than I should have last night…. and suffered for it all day today at work when I was exhausted.)

I’m scared.

I’m worried that I won’t be able to accomplish the tasks that I’ve set for myself for this year. To finish at least 6 online accounting courses this year, try to take parts of the CPA before fall of next year (when I plan to start my MBA program), find myself too overwhelmed to write or blog or do any tech reviews… And to become an utter failure at the end of the day.

But I suppose as I write all of these things out, I can take a step back and at least acknowledge that I have been doing little things here or there that have been vast improvements from what I’ve been like even a few weeks ago… I wake up early and do early-morning workouts (mostly), I’ve started some major spring cleaning efforts at removing all unworn/unused/unneeded clothing that’s almost complete, I actually started studying my accounting course information (even if it’s just the first module), and for the most part I’ve been going upstairs earlier in the evenings so that I can try to go to bed at night.

I hope if anything this shows that I’m taking a step in the right direction, that if I try a little bit harder, put in more effort, I’ll realize that it’s just me trying to shake bad habits that I’ve developed over the last few years due to bitterness and hatred at work, being around people that encouraged poor work ethic, and from being burnt out. I want to be highly motivated, full of energy, and feeling super productive. I really want to take a look back a year from now and be proud of what I’ve accomplished, no matter what they are.

I suppose I just have to keep on chugging along to see what can happen.

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